Harvey Birdman

There appears to be...an arm...on my desk. It's making work rather difficult. It's not something someone left there...it appears to be attatched, or embedded. It keeps....flailing...moving. Mentok? Orpheus? Any advice?

I did an internet search for myself. You know, to see if us old superheroes were making a nostalgic comeback. There wasn't much to find, unfortunately. But I did find this interesting clip in a much larger article:

His superpowers include flight, the ability to create a solid light shield, and the ability to shoot energy beams from his hands. These powers are thought to stem from the Crest on his helmet, though Harvey isn't entirely sure of the crest's true role in his powers. He has since retired from his superhero job and is now working for the law firm of Sebben, Sebben & Birdman, where he is vice-president and partner. Harvey is six and a half feet tall, and has large wings growing out of his back. The wings are actually part of his body, and were genetically inherited from his father...

Sebben, Sebben &....Birdman?! Vice-president and Partner?! I know I missed a lot during my three month absence but this....this is everything I've been waiting so many years for! And it's finally happened! At least...I think. I mean, why would they publish it on the internet if it wasn't true?

I'm going to go thank Phil right now!

........

......huh....


......hm....

I.............hm....

Does it count as having had sex...with a woman...if you were the woman?

I have arranged to have the rest of the week off while I figure things out. I just got home. I would have been home sooner, but I spent over half the day in Phil's office (he wouldn't let me leave until I....). He doesn't believe that I'm Harvey Birdman. The later half of the day was spent getting out of the building. And hiding from Phil.

Has anyone found a solution, yet? I can't avoid work forever. Nor can I play my new...features down any more. I thought they made unflattering women's suits! I guess it's harder to hide these DD things than I first anticipated.

....Avenger won't stop laughing at me.

Jigen? How about that drink?

Well, I'm back, now. By the time the doors at Mordhaus were unlocked, my computer was dead, and I couldn't find Dr. Orpheus again. Do you know how hard it is to find an airport in Norway? Not easy. But I'm back now, just in time for a nice Easter dinner alone.

Oh, and Hank. It took me a while to find this, but remember back when we were discussing those...videos you were watching? I think you may learn more if you were to watch something a little more...educational. I have it on VHS here at the office, but if you'd rather watch in your free time: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.

Jigen, as I said before, I have your hat. I tried to find you, but I started getting lost. I found a door that I think leads outside, but it appears locked. I would go find that nice necromancer, because he said he could help get me out of this place. thank you, Mentok. I'll remember you for this But I'm afraid of getting lost in trying to find him. Just...let me know when the doors are unlocked.

At least the noise stopped.

I seem to be IN Mordhaus now. Oh god, I never wanted to come back! Not after last time! If I could somehow find a way outside everything would be fine.


........


....what's that horrible sound?

Hm. These weekly parties are a hit-or-miss thing. And last night was....well, I'm still getting my bearings, as I'm can't recall large peices of week before last. I was feeling a little out of sorts to begin with, and with it being the day of pranks I was having difficulty telling what was true and what was not. I guess I had a few too many drinks. Being woken up with another man's feet in awkward places is not my preferred means of waking up.

However, I am concidering taking up Jigen on his invite to a drink. It's been a while since I've gone to a bar with someone other than Reducto or Mentok.

There are just some days it doesn't pay to read the news:

Michael Jackson wants Vegas robot. With laser beams.

It's a shame that it's outside of California's borders. After the boston scare with the lite-brites, this would be a gold mine, really.

[[OOC: Yes. I'm supposed to be taking a break to get work done...]]

I'll be taking the next few days off. I...need time to come to terms with everything. I'll be taking Avenger, and a suitcase to last me a week and I'll be out of touch for at least a few days.

I'm planning a memorial service in Hank and Dean's honor. It will be held this Sunday, probably at the office, unless Dr. Venture would be kind enough to lend me some space at his compound, where the boys lived....and loved.

Avenger left a note for me to add: "Tell the butterfly to watch his back." Huh. I wonder what that means.

[Player note: Other than Sunday, I'm going to be rather slow for the next few weeks. Got stuff I need to do. Deadlines and whatnot. Last night was a blast.]

HAAAAAANNNKKKK! What have I done?! You were doing so well! Your brother even came to see you fly! After flying all weekend, why did you choose TODAY?! Oh, cruel fate, what hath you wrought?! Two innocent lives taken in a single, freak accident. It was all Phil's fault, really...he ran over them.

Dr. Venture. Mr. Sampson. This was never meant to happen. But today, on your son's fourth flight, he lost his balance and fell. He landed on his brother who had come to watch. There....there was nothing I could do. But he was too heavy and fell too fast.

I'm...I'm going to find a place to hide from Brock take some time off work, while I come to terms with this.

I don't think I'll be able to make it to tonights little get together. I've had some work pile up that I must take care of. Plus, I didn't get an invitation. The guards are creepy. I know I'll get lost for three months again. Pickles and the rest of them are bad people. And I didn't get an invitation.

Sunday. That was certainly...well, I haven't done anything like that in a long time. I almost want to say I enjoyed it, doing the hero thing. Can we do it again?

Hank. I have a surprise for you. Do you have half an hour or so after work tomorrow?

Additionally. Has anyone noticed Avenger acting...strange lately?

It seems that almost every night this week, I've returned from a day of doing nothing busy day at the office, to find I've missed everything. A man laying eggs appears to be the strangest, though...

...did I read that right? He was...eating...people? It's a good thing I'm not in Mordhaus anymore. Definately.

But here comes the weekend. What will happen next? Gender switching? .....no. That's just silly! As long as there are no more things that want to eat people, I think everything is safe.

But...laying eggs?!

An overweight purple hippo who drives a blimp...ark....thing.
A short, large headed green alien obsessed with small things.
A child-minded metal band member.
A large white alien who is always with out clothes, with no aparent genitalia, bent on destroying the world.
A man with an obsession with butterflies who lives in a pink lair.
A midgit with an eye-patch and a bionic hand.

What do all of these have in common? They all appear to be having some form of intercourse that they rather enjoy. And with women! Well...most of them. And I am assuming on the part of the white alien, since he has a child that looks unmistakbly like him. Unless it is some form of asexual reproduction, then he can be crossed off the list.

Is there something I'm missing? Some key element? I always thought I had something going for me. Six and a half feet tall, broad shoulders, the whole super hero thing. Something in there has to account for something. Right?

I don't think I'll be throwing any more parties any time soon. And if I do, Dethclok and the Monarch are not invited. My poor office! EVERYTHING is destroyed! Cake, blood and octopus guts everywhere. And Avenger...he might need therapy. He's...traumatized.

Bear in mind, Monarch. You and I are not through. Just as a cop is never off duty, I will hold true to my oaths to protect. Your villanous ways have cause much despair and destruction. So it is my job, not as a lawyer, but as a hero, to see that you are brought down. For the good of the people, you WILL be brought to justice. ....once I get the damages taken care of.

....I don't want to know why the bathroom mirror is broken, with blood everywhere.

Well, thanks to Hank's efforts around the office, Debbie was able to take a vacation. She'll be back next week. Phil seemed rather well receiving of having the boy around the office. At least after I told him no one was paying Hank to be here. He did meet Judy today. I'm just glad it wasn't BirdGirl that he'd met. His head is already filled with weird ideas. Seeing her, well...I'm afraid what other sort of ideas he might get from that.

All the plans are in place for Sunday. Hank and I got the invitations sent out to everyone a few days ago. Nothing special, just an informal get together. No zombies or massive food fights, I promise. Just a calm, relaxing gathering. Nothing exeptional. Nothing strange. Perfectly safe for everyone.

There will be alcohol served for adults, and juice for the kids. Any special, last minute requests for food?

[OOC: When the show last left off, did Harvey know Judy is BirdGirl? It kept changing, so I have no idea!]

Wasn't today the day? Reducto and I were there, at the amusement park, but I didn't see even one member of Dethclok, or anyone else for that matter. Sure, the random people running from ride to ride, but none of those involved with Dr. Venture or those two strange looking white fellows. There was something that sounded like an explosion, however, and it's the wrong season for fireworks. Hm...

I always seem to be missing out on these strange little get togethers everyone seems to be planning. I even missed one in my own office! Hey! I know what I'll do! I'll have one of my own! In my office! Of course, I'll have to get approval, plan the food, find out when everyone is available. Ooh. And make invitations!

Oh, this day is never good for a single man like me. Spending the night at the bar gets so old and dreary when women won't look twice at you! Today the office was full of people exchanging gifts and cards. But not even Gigi remembered me! Every one I passed in the hall, would just give a half-hearted "Hey, Harvey." Well, there was one valentine. Something a little kid made, out of macaroni and glitter. A bird with a bleeding heart in it's beak! Does this imply that my very profession, nay, my very NAME has stolen love from my life?! Is this someone's cruel joke to tell me that so long as I am Birdman, I can not have love? That it will forever be ripped from my clutches much in the way a vulture tears at roadkill? But I'm NOT a vulture! That's Vulturo! I am the personification of all things GOOD about bird-kind! When you wake up in the morning, and hear the chorus of birds outside of your window greeting you with a happy song of morning? That's what I stand for! Hope. Purity. Well being. Saftey. Because if you hear that joyus song of morning, still warm in your bed, you know you are safe! But so long as I uphold such virtues, I can not find love. At first I thought it was the wings. That women couldn't see past the feather and added apendages to see the gentle man beneath. But even the man in a butterfly costume got married. And his wings aren't even real! And he's a villain. Is it because I'm a hero? The fear that the hero's girl always gets in trouble? But I don't fight supervillains in the streets anymore. No more games like that! I'm just a lawyer. All my battles are fought in the court room, defending innocent men, women and animals when their rights have been so wrongly violated.

So why is that an upstanding man like myself is unable to share just one night with a woman?

Zombies. Huh.

To the young man I was speaking with at the...showcase at the Venture compound: If you're interested, please feel free to contact me. At my office is fine, just call Sebben and Sebben. My secretary will put you through.